I do not even know anymore.
I just wanted to say you guys are fantastic. I’m stunned by the amount of submissions. Keep them coming! That said just for clarification there are a couple things I am not going to review:
- JonClubs (I believe Adam from TribeTwelve handled that nicely for all of us)
- Anything that seems to be a RolePlay account. However if the account frequently responds to known SlenderBlogs I’ll take it into consideration.
- White Elephants – This blog was not the problem. It was everything that stole from it.
- Humor blogs or things which are terrible on purpose. That means no A New Blog That’s Not Mine or Why Are You Running.
Next up will be Slendersightings. I received an overwhelming 9 recommendations for it. And reviewing it, this is gold. Additionally this made everything in life glorious:
Ten posts. Ten short, simple little blog posts. A mere 20 minute interval of your life. That is all this demands. And yet.
To finish post has taken me an unbelievable two weeks. I debated about even subjecting any unknowing Slender Mythos fans to this monstrosity. But I rose above. I have a duty to everyone to expose them to literary fiascoes such as this. And here it is in every ounce of its failed glory. It is long and it is painful. But it must be done.
Mo leithscéal ó chroí.
The first part of this will deal with the blog itself. You may be perplexed as to what could even matter other than the actual blog. You shall soon see that the author himself is worthy of his own careful analysis.
There are only ten posts and they are short but I shall summarize them for you so you don’t have to:
- My name is Danny and I call myself Teh_Shovel.
- I like Harry Potter and someone hacked my blog and posted Operator symbols everywhere.
- Had a dream in which a tall man in a suit told me to follow him [totheark]. Also a Gimmie 20 Dollarz joke. (This will be relevant later)
- I had another dream about the Slenderman, the Rake and Jessa.
- Wacky code speak that no one cares to decipher.
- Ok, My blog sucks, if I admit it you’ll like me right? RIGHT? Right EMH guys? Right?
- The protagonist has gone missing so sayeth another character we haven’t been introduced to.
- I miss Danny. –Posted by Danny.
- Unlabeled pills you say?
- Danny is dead. A journal of sorts was discovered. I’m publishing the findings and giving you a timeline which also justifies my douchey actions and explains the horrible plot holes people pointed out. Hints of a sequel?
As far as game jacks go this is the most prolific. There are bits of imagery which allude to Marble Hornets, EverymanHYBRID and JustAnotherFool. The primary target of the gamejack is EMH however and he goes as far as to announce his presence in EMH’s own broadcast. I’ll return to that later. The blog itself is poorly written and moves far too fast for the reader to get any sense of the story. There’s no character development and no reason why we should care that the character is being stalked by an entity, nor does anyone notice when he goes missing.
The character himself is apparently unaware of what any of this means and that is always strange in an internet based culture. It seems highly improbable that any of these bloggers who are hunted by this being would not have seen any of the dozens of other blogs written by folks claiming to be in the same plight as them. How can you be on the internet, and want to a part of this community, and not be aware of Marble Hornets, Tribe Twelve or EMH at the very least? It is an old ploy now to simply post about a man in a suit and ask “What does it mean?”. It makes your character far less believable, we as readers assume you can use Google just like the rest of us. In fact here’s the first three responses:
This is a great example of simply trying to hard and wanting it too bad. A basic story would have been nice. Some development of said story would have been better. Some storytelling abilities is evidently far too much to hope for.
Now onto part 2:
Gimme20dollaz is the author behind this blog. Teh_Shovel was the name he used on the EMH troll and on the now deleted twitter account, but on Unfiction he registered as Gimme20dollaz. (Coincidentally registering the account the day before the blog went live.) There are a couple of mistakes most new Slender Blogs make in trying to generate readers and feedback for their site and the first is creating a thread for themselves on Unfiction and passing it off as: I found this new blog, but I swear it’s not mine.
His first thread was such an obvious ruse for self-promotion that it became the origin of SlenderBINGO. The participants of the thread noticed every problem and pointed out every discrepancy and the thread dissolved into a discussion about terrible writers in the Slender Mythos. In all honesty we should thank Gimme20dollaz for generating discussion which lead to both SlenderBINGO and the Slenderblog vs Slanderblog thread. Becoming the first defining Slanderblog.
After the fifth post, the post which was all in code, he did something in such poor taste that even had the blog possessed some redeeming qualities or miraculously started an amazing story arc, no one would have been around to be impressed. An important aspect of EverymanHYBRID is viewer participation as they are truly an ARG as opposed to a series. Every so often they have livestream sessions which are live broadcasted chats with their fans in character. Gimme20dollaz trolled one of these chats, taking over the chat, spamming the timeline with posts about his own blog, interjecting himself into their story without permission. Almost all negative posts concerning this which were posted to his blog were removed by himself but these few remain which I am reposting in case of future deletion:
No offense man, but this game jack is quite amusing in a pretty bad way. I mean, coming from a writers prospective, the grammar and writing style is just… Ugh! It’s like you go from frightened to “hey, everything’s peachy keen now, k bai!” and, have you even contacted the EMH crew, as I don’t think that they were ever going to team up with anyone outside of the people they’ve already introduced…
And you’re REALLY rushing things, here. Story needs to be built a lot more before you rush into thing or this is just going to get even more ridiculous than it already has and won’t even get a second glance.
Just sayin’ *shrugs* Sorry if I sound douchey, it just my inner writer yelling at everything about everything in all of the blogs, not just yours, man
– Chase (behind the blog Stopping Lights)
OK. If you want to create your own awful slender-blog, that’s fine, but what you can’t do is keep trying to connect it to EMH. What happened on the Ustream was WAY out of line. Out of game it made you look like a troll and in game it makes the character an ass. Seriously, with the lack of development no one is going to like this guy. Why should I care if he gets hacked, or his twitter icon is Candle Cove?
He issued an apology and deleted his Twitter, but then in his final blog post claims that the trolling wasn’t his fault or idea so who knows if any of that was sincere. There is a distinct difference between participating and gamejacking. As a participant you can empathize or communicate with characters. It’s entirely inappropriate to try pretend that you are in fact part of a series without the consent of any of the members.
Let this blog be a lesson to all potential writers of Slender Lore out there. Have some semblance of a story planned out in advance with a way you wish the plot to develop. Do not overpromote your site on any forum, it only serves to drive people away, constantly having a user go: my blog is teh awesomz review it pls! Will turn off anyone who might be interested. And finally don’t gamejack. Come up with your own story. Don’t mooch.
Well dear reader. You have survived thus far. Let us all give praise to No Escape from Reality for being the worst of the worst. This is a genuine gem of awful. The Birdemic of the Slender world.
One day, not so long ago, December 19th in fact, someone decided that there was not enough going on with EverymanHYBRID. What else could they require that the rake, the Slenderman and HABIT could not provide? Evidently an anonymous girl who named herself Ass1stant who must help them or they will die.
It started with an audio file named gwnvtereliioeatkr.wav (anagram solved could be: Overwritten, Overtalked, though it’s possible it says Overweak Littering). To my untrained ears it sounds like a song. Messing around in an audio program I was only able to decipher the words: One thousand years, and my servant. Of course I didn’t want to devote more than 15 minutes of my life to this so the mystery remains unsolved.
EMH has never responded to any of her inquiries. And nothing has been posted for 10 days. Most likely this has tapered off and died since her efforts proved fruitless. I found this interesting since it began with an actually intriguing bit of a sound file, but as this was directed towards only EMH no one else is being allowed to participate.
And thus we begin.
This is a combination Twitter feed and minimal vlog post of a high school girl who apparently has been stalked by Slenderman since her childhood. The twitter feed began in November of this year with her commenting to Marble Hornets about solving a mystery that no one was interested in. Her first actual tweet:
i need help with this case. its annoying the hell out of me that i cant solve it i solved the s+ it means sad but i need more information.
Not only is it terrible grammar and nonsensical tweets, but the game jacking attempts are horrendous. She has attempted to talk to:
- Marble Hornets
- Tribe Twelve
- Can You See the Words
- Hidden in a Locked Room ((Which is also horrific and deserving of its own post on this blog))
- EverymanHYBRID ((With an astonishing 21 @’s in one hour))
- Chase & Michuri of Stopping Lights
- Slender Sightings
One of the most telling tweets:
@EverymanHYBRID please dont think of me as weird i jsut need answers, i treid to tweet tribe twelve but i dont think hes on and your
If none of this sounds familiar this may:
Special thanks to G.I.R of the Unfiction forums for meme!Photo.
What makes this a notable piece of SlenderFail is both the detestable grammar and the fact that this account is solely for gamejacking. ((Gamejacking: v. To attempt to insert yourself, or your character, into an existing game or story.))
She’s tried with every popular vlog and, getting an unsuitable response, has descended into gamejacking c-rate blogs. Both EMH and Zytherys appear to respond to her out of pity. Michiru might be attempting to include her but it’s difficult to tell.
The video part seems to focus on figuring out and trying to communicate with Noah from Tribe 12. But the twitter account is her own attempt at making a SlenderStory. She’s hit all the major points: ((Get your BINGO sheets at the ready))
- Hacked Twitter feed
- Weird hallowed personality
- Slenderman has been spotted
- Weird Dreams
- Lost time
- Pleas for help from the audience
- Pleas for help to: J, Noah, Evan, totheark, Chase and Michiru.
Stay tuned. Who knows when more memes may spring to life.
BINGO compiled and created by Compulsory Basket.
In the world of all things Slender there are those which simply wish to force themselves into the mythos. By any means necessary. Some will forever be remembered for creating a meme simply by their inability to structure sentences and some are just so poorly written it’s impossible to make out what’s even going on.
Because we all need a reason to shake our heads and sigh loudly, this shall be their moment of glory. Where they are revealed into the world for the horrid, atrocious blights on the community that they are.
Gamejacking the gamejackers. I make move now.